Tuesday, August 23, 2011

MOON AND THE AFTERMATH

Jolly Jack was a confirmed bachelor or so it seemed till, much to the surprise of his friends - married or otherwise happy - he suddenly announced his marriage. And then he just vanished ! His bachelor cronies were sunk in sorrow. We, marrieds, however, sat smugly in the knowledge that the moon does disappear from the sky for a few days only to reappear again in due course.

So did he, one fine morning. Only unlike the smoothly gliding moon, he just burst in.

"Well ! Well ! so nice to see you after such a long............

" Save it ! I am in no mood for pleasantries ", he cut in.

" Well, then what is the problem ? Why do you look like a nightmare ? I thought, you would be wallowing in wedded bliss ".

" Blast that bliss. Marriage is nothing but problems. you know how it is. For a few days after the event, it is all honey and milk but then it wears you down a bit. And then the nagging starts ".

" Go on, you are proceeding strctly along the normal channels of married life ", I encouraged.

" I therefore decided to do something about it. As a first step towards that end, I purchased a marriage manual...........

" A marriage manual " ?

" Yes, one has to make concessions and make changes in one's usual ways, you know ", was the pathetic explanation of that once cocky bachelor. Continuing, he said, " The manual says,in such circumstances to keep on reassuring the missus that one still loves her and to keep up the pretence of still wooing her ".

" Yes, so it says. Then where did you falter ?

" Well, last night there was a full moon and sitting out on tweet nothings to herhe lawn, it suddenly dawned on me that this was the time. So I took her in my arms and started murmuring sweet nothings to her. I did alright for some time but suddenly she slapped me and ran into the house, slamming the door shut on poor pursuing me. For heaven's sake, i don't know what i did wrong, Johnnie my dear friend, be a pal and tell me. Would you ? "

Elated at this sudden elevation to the advisory capacity, i assumed the proper amount of seriousness and probed, " What were you doing at the aforesaid moment ? "

" Well, I told you what I was doing "

"Repeat it " He repeated.

" But what exactly were you saying ? "

" Well, what does one say at such moments ? You are as sweet as honey, smooth, silky, - and all that rot ".

" Well that does not provide any clue. try and remember more ".

"Oh ! You are my darling, my own darling, you have hair like spaghetti, the figure of a Miss World, a face like the moon.....

: Ah ! There you are, my dear Watson ! One should not say to a girl any more that she is moon - faced ".

" Why ?"

" Haven't you seen the recently published photographs of Armstrong and Aldrin on the moon's surface ?

There are craters and craters all over the moon".

" A - a - h ! I dig it. You know, behind that male-up, she still has evidence of her childhood small pox. Yes ! It all comes back to me. she did mutter something about my going and getting another girl who was not pock-marked !

" That makes it all the worse ".

" Yes, indeed ! But what to do now /"

" Use your science, my dear boy ! Divide the size of the average crater by the size of the moon. Compare that ratio with the ratio of the skin pore size to the size of her face'.

" It compares ".

" Well, then tell her that when you mentioned the moon, you had her skin pores in mind vis - a - vis the moon craters and not the pock marks. If that does not hold water, just tell her that in any case, your lover's eyes could never notice any blemish in his beloved's face ".

" That's it " ! he said and burst out with the same violent rush as he had burst in. the detective - advisor in me beamed on his vanishing posterior.

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