WHEN TO DIE ?

NOTE:-
This was written 40 years back. It shows how the bureaucracy can make a show of favouring you while doing the reverse. Making a show of welfare while giving a farewell to your hard earned money.

TO BE OR NOT TO BE was a dilemma faced by Hamlet. We non-heroes do not come across such situations in our humdrum existence. we all have to die sooner or later. Which is better ? Sooner ? Or Later?

The other day, this question arose. I was going through the Family Pension Scheme, 1971. It seems, a lot of effort has been put into this document by a lot of intelligent people. It is therefore but natural that a dim-witted individual like me would have to put in a still greater effort in understanding the various "whereas-es " and " subject to-s " of this stout document. I have put in this effort now.

The idea seems to be to provide for your family in case you die before you retire. You get various benefits from this scheme depending on when you die. In my case, if I die after 7 years after having irrevocably and finally committed myself to this scheme, my wife would get a sum of Rs. 300 per month for a period of 7 years and Rs. 150 per month thereafter upto the time I would have reached my age of retirement of 58 years, if I had lived. In addition to this, she would get a lump sum of Rs. 1000 on account of the authorities failing in their assurance to her that I would live upto my age of 60 years. ( It appears that the authorities do not expect me to live more than 2 years after my retirement )

The above benefits are to be multiplied by a factor depending on my age at entry to this " Welfare " scheme. Those of you who avoided Mathematics in your school may be happy by the mention of this multiplying factor. You are having visions of huge sums of money coming into your wife's hands every month. Let me deflate you therefore. When the multiplying factor is less than 1, the amount gets reduced. And if you are older than 25 years, the factor is invariably less than 1. In my case, for my age of 35 years, it is 0.67 only.

So, in short, here is what my wife would get if I die after 7years, 15years, 20 years, 23 years and so on. I forgot to mention earlier that there is a quid pro quo to be given by the employee in return for this largesse from the government. The government's contribution to my Provident Fund woiuld be reduced by Rs. 25 per month. This means that I am partly or perhaps fully or God forbid more than fully contributing to this supposedly benevolent measure of the Sarkar Mai - Baap.

If I die after 7 years :-
For the following 7 years, my wife would get @ Rs. 300x0.67 per month. The total amount to be received by her during this 7 years would amount to 7 x 12 x 300 x 0.67 = Rs. 168000.

FOR 11 Years thereafter, assuming that my wife would survive that long, the total amount to be received by her @ Rs. 150 x 0.67 per month would amount to
11 x 12 x 150 x 0.67 = Rs. 13200.

Life assurance benefit would amount to 0.67 x 1000 = Rs. 670.

The total benefit thus would be Rs. 16800 + 13200 + 670 = Rs. 30670. as against this, my Provident Fund would be reduced by an amount of rs.25 per month, assumung that there is no increase in my pay. During the 7 years that I would have lived, the amount reduced would be Rs. 25 x 7 x 12 = Rs. 2100. Adding to this the compound interest @ 6 % p.a., the cumulative amount to be reduced would be Rs. 2520.

So, a benefit of Rs. 30670 as against a loss of Rs. 2520 ! Good !

Now, if I die after 15 years, what do I get ?

I, of course, get either Heaven or Hell. i.e. before getting a rebirth to atone for my sins of this birth or reap the fruits of the good deeds done by me in this birth. But my wife would get,

For 7 years, 300 x 0.67 x 7 x 12 = Rs. 16800 plus
For 3 years, 150 x 0.67 x 3 x 12 = Rs. 3600 plus
Life Insurance benefit of a sum of Rs. 670, totalling Rs. 21070 in all as benefits.

As against this, the amount that would be reduced from my Provident Fund would be,
Rs. 25 x 15 x 12 = Rs. 4500. Including interest, this amount would be Rs. 6975 approximately. So, Rs. 21070 benefit against a loss of Rs. 6975. Not bad !

Now, if I die after 20 years, these amounts are Rs. 12670 benefit and Rs. 11160 loss.
In case of my death just before 23 years, they are Rs. 5470 benefit against a loss of Rs. 14400.

And if I die only after my retirement, the benefit is a grand sum of Rs. 2690 as against a loss of a mere Rs. 14400 !

I have thus found an answer to the question that I had posed at the outset and I am drafting an application as under :-

To,
HIS SUPREME SELF, The GOD
Address :- HEAVEN


Dear God,

Having come to know through reliable sources that you decide as to when a person should die, this is to request you to take me off before the expiry of 20 years from now. Otherwise, you see, my poor wife would get less money from the Family Pension Scheme 1971, than what she would have got from my Provident Fund. Of course if you can make it earlier, it would be better. But not earlier than 7 years from now, please. Because than she gets nothing.

You may be receiving applications and even recommendations for a longer life. You may even be receiving lesser but full of entreaty from terminally sick people. However an application for ensuring life upto 7 years from now and thereafter terminating it between 7 and 20 years might be a rarity. The bureaucrats under you might not have drafted rules for such an eventuality and your hands may be tied.

In that case, please dear God, kindly consult your book keeper Shri Chitragupta ( to whom a copy of this application is being endorsed ) and let me know the date when I am scheduled to come to your lotus feet. Please do not, I repeat, do not ask me to consult astrologers. They are not reliable in this matter, at least. They, had, you see, consistently failed in their predictions about my date of promotion.

O ! Divine ! I know that you are very busy these days with the large number of people that our neighbours across the borders have kindly despatched for the salvation of their souls to you recently. But I have to say YES or NO to the Family Pension Scheme within the next 15 days. So kindly treat this as urgent.

Yours Faithfully,
Ramesh Narendrarai Desai

P.S. :- And please dear God, see that my wife lives for another 25 years. Otherwise, you see, the whole exercise would be a wate.

P. P. S. :- I know that people of India have to pay Chai-Pani or Dasturi or Speed Money to you for any favours sought from you. I shall deposit that at any of your branches located in the nearest Temple / Mosque / Church / Gurudwara / Jinalaya /Agiary in the hands of your priestly agent.

FOOTNOTE :-
I do not know who is better at leading you on a garden path ? The Bureaucrat or the Politician ? Both talk of welfare but appear to make you give a farewell to your hard earned money. These so called public servants seem to be under the impression that all the money that the public earns actually belongs to them. It is their goodness that they allow the public to spend some of it.